I went into the living room and turnt the tv up loud, trying to evade my parents incessant bickering. I could still hear them though.
"Sheila, I told you not to buy nothing else on my credit card." he said.
"I had to buy La’s back to school stuff," she explained.
"Sheila I told you nothing else. I don’t care what it was. " he spat at her.
"Whatever, you’re drunk," she said turning to walk away.
The next thing I heard was a loud thud. I went into the kitchen to see what it was. I saw my mom against the wall. My dad was holding her by the neck, seemingly choking the life out of her. I just stood there in shock. Out of all these years, he had never put his hands on her.
He loosened his grip and she fell to the floor, unconscious. I ran over to her, and kneeled over her, tears flowing from my eyes.
As I walked home from my friends house, I was hoping and praying that my momma wouldn’t still be home. Knowing her, she’s been smoking some weed or something, and when she smokes, she gets high. When she’s high, she’s somewhat violent. As soon as I sat foot in the door, everything escalated.
"Nae, where you been?" She asked me.
"Ma, I told you I was goin over to Dede’s house." I explained.
"No the hell you didn’t," she argued at me.
"Yes I did. You were probably too high to understand. " I said, raising my voice a little.
Before I knew it she had slapped me across the face.
"You gotta slick mouth nae. Keep on." She said.
I just stomped up to my room and slammed the door. Why is it that I always gotta be getting hit on huh? After all I was telling the truth, she was too high to comprehend what I told her.
I sat in my room listening to music and jotting song lyrics down in my song book. Now I can’t sing worth a shit, but I’m a pro at writing songs.
My song lyrics read:
It hurts , when I see you with someone else. all the times that you told me that you loved me , were lies as well. everything you want , I’ll never have . cause I know I’m not the one that you’ll love. I’m not the one that you’ll care for. I’m not the one that will have you by my side .
These lyrics weren’t really dedicated to anyone, unlike most of my lyrics. But they sounded like a perfect song to me. I then closed my song book and turnt off my lamp. After all, I have school in the morning. Oh joy, back to being bullied.
I laid on my bed, seemingly lifeless. Or at least I felt lifeless. I couldn’t even stand myself at this point. I was completely and utterly disgusted. I couldn’t believe what had went on last night. I couldn’t believe that Devin would actually go as far as raping me. Of course he had hit me a few times, but rape was a low even for him.
I slowly got out of bed and went into the bathroom. I opened my bathroom cabinet and pulled out a razor blade. I cut the letter r into my arm, which stood for raped, right beside the other letter that were carved into my skin; (a)’abused’ and (d)’degraded’. It’s like everytime something like this happened. My body was like my diary. I bandanged my cut and went and laid back down. I cried until I fell asleep.
I was sitting in the living room enjoying my favorite movie,”Shrek” until someone came along.
" Aye you gone have to bounce, lil mama," my stepdad told me.
"But I was watching tv, " I explained.
"I don’t give a damn. I said bounce," he repeated.
"Man, whatever," I said to him, shoving the remote in his hand.
The next thing I knew I was on the floor. He actually hit me. This is second time he hit me.
My face stung. It was like I put lemon juice on a cut on my tongue.
I held my face. I could already feel a bruise forming.
Of course we resume school tomorrow. I guess it’s back to the gossiping and the cliques. Another year of people being messy and new students tryna ‘holla’. Another year of the same ol shit.
Just as I was takin out my outfit tomorrow, I got text. It was from this boy from my school, Jamar.
DaYoungin’: Sup ma? I was Just wonderin wen u wanna go out . Lemme kno sumn!
(Me)SelfmadeChiq’: Um, I ain’t really feelin that. Sorryy.
DaYoungin’: Y not ma?
SelfmadeChiq’: I’m jus nawt. But um we can be frienns thoo.
DaYoungin’: How u gon crush a niqqa heart like that? 3 But okayy ma.
SelfmadeChiq’: I’m sorryy bew. :S
Don’t get me wrong Jamar is sweet. And lerd do he have a body! But relationships really aren’t my thing. I guess you could say I have trust issues. I mean, wouldn’t you if your dad left you and your family, two of your boyfriends cheated on you, and another told all your secrets. Um, yeah.